Lessons on...Giving It Up.

So I should get this right out there...in twenty-seven years I have discovered that, much like full frontal, full disclosure is always a positive. So before I drag you through my main thoughts, I think you should have some up front, honest, and fair information about me (come on, give it a try, it is more than that one boyfriend ever gave you.)

3 Reasons you should question/distrust/ and take everything on this blog with a grain of salt:

1) I get busy. Busy being the same as distracted for me. Generally, it is both at the same time.

Prime example : My last blog post. Yes, you read that right. March 30th, 2011. My follow through, much like my car keys, got lost for most of the 2011-2012 year.

2) I only know what I am talking about a small percentage of the time. This blog is just my opinion, but as our generation was raised, turns out, I can be a little bit of a narcissist so sometimes I hand out my opinion to the world without being asked. (Don't give me that look...okay do! We are all guilty of this...read on).

Prime example : FACEBOOK. See also Facebook Photos.

3)I am an asshole, but I think I am funny.

Prime example : A few quotes from the past few days.
"No matter how nice I am...
There is probably still some point in my day I wish someone would run your face over with a lawnmower.
...okay...maybe I wasn't that nice to begin with."

"Everyone is so into joking about 'punching a baby'...my suggestion, find a grown ass man, punch him. They are interchangeable, I promise."

"God damn Grey's. I just want to love somebody enough to kill them and lay on their dead body while looking amazing."

Okay, just checking in on you. What have we learned so far on my second 'first' blog? I am distracted, opinionated, a little narcissistic, and an asshole. I like where this is going.

1 Reason You Should Read This Blog :

1) Entertainment
(Oh! and a 2nd reason! Because you love me). That really was an afterthought. We all know I am not deserving of love. I have yet to settle my own feelings if I even believe in it.

Anyway, onto the main event, the title of this entry 'Lessons on...Giving it Up. Sorry to disappoint my sexually minded audience, but no, this isn't an entry on sex (this is our first meeting, I am a gentleman...buy me a drink and we will have that discussion.), but instead it is about letting go. Letting go of bad habits. Letting go of pain. And letting go of the past.

Recently I saw myself at the end of a four year long relationship. (It was one of those things that you wanted to believe in for too long, and forever seemed like a legitimate option, but it didn't turn out that way). But that is a blog for a later date (That scar is still healing and a little too personal right now.) I also have given up smoking cigarettes because it is disgusting and a terrible habit, even though it makes you look way cooler, kids.

So what does this have to do with anything?
I feel like with some background you can get the sense I am just a guy...a normal everyday guy, getting through life like everyone else. Average 20 something problems. I tell you these things to be relatable...to try and make you love me more for my flaws. That or just to not feel so alone with our problems.
Moving on...letting go...growing up...it is FUCKING HARD. It's one of those life lessons you have to learn on your own. No one will ever be able to describe the feeling, that exact moment, you feel your heart break and nobody can accurately describe the first time you fall in love and your heart skips a beat. These are life lessons we all go through on a human scale. Nobody is above or below this. We are all connected in that sense.

Three days ago I gave up cigarettes. Three days...for all you non-smokers, is a good milestone. If you can get over the three day hump you can get over it all. (I could have just made that up, but I am going with it anyway). Smoking is such a terrible habit and since I am making big life changes with work, living, life, and my health I needed to stop. Living alone has been good for this experience. When I get vindictive and nasty from nicotine withdrawal I have nobody to take it out on or offend on accident. (Thank god for the internet still letting me be a dick). It just got to the point that I am again eating healthy and working out everyday. I couldn't justify doing all that work to turn around and do something with the exact opposite effects.

Giving up cigarettes, which is a billion dollar industry (I don't know the real numbers so this is definitely a made up fact), has nothing on giving up the past. Why hasn't more money been spent on the 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' research. America would pay to have some of it's memories removed. The thing about letting go of the past that makes it so hard, is it takes a lot of change. And change, though freeing and amazing, is also terrifying.
(Things that I have found make change easier : tequila, good friends, vodka.)

When the past is unhealthy the change we are terrified of is also the thing we are craving. It's like your heart knows and it just needs to translate that faster to the brain.

The only way to get over the past is to leave it in the past. The only way out is forward, one step at a time. We all heal differently. Turns out, I heal faster after slashing someone's tires or setting their shit on fire. That's just MY doctor's recommendation, you should probably get your own.

But on a more serious note, this blog feels all over the place and out of control, but I am glad I put something down. I promise the next one will be more purpose driven...or at least a little more cohesive. Basically what I can say at the end of the day is I am excited to see what life throws my way...growing can be hard and it can hurt, but I am thankful everyday for the ability to still be able to do it.

Peace and Love,
And Dinosaurs and Robots,
Jonathan